I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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