It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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