i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
