he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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