Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
