you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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