My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize