I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
