I hope mine doesn't look like that
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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