I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
