Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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