You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
