Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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