Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
