you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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