goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
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