Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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