OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
