Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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