Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
