I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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