chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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