Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
