Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
