i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
