Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
