Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
