shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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