yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
