Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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