you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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