You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
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