The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
