So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize