I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Two words: blizzard sex
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
