he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
