Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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