chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
