guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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