I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
