After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
