buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
