Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
