hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
