R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
