It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize