I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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