just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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