My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
