he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
