I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
