If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
