my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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