dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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