Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
