Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
