Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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