Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
