I skipped work to stalk him.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
