bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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