..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
