I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
thus making me awesome and them whores
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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