my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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