I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
