It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
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How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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